Maybe the best blame yet….

Letter to my Ex,

Its taken me a long time to realize I needed to write this. Even though you will most likely never see it, its how I view it all now. I am over you, it took me almost two years after I left/was asked to leave by your parents. The love of my life has lived in your shadow for far too long. I forgive you and your hateful parents, Honestly I no longer hold a grudge towards any of you because My God taught me to forgive that I have began to master in my life. An important thing to point out, even though I have forgiven you I still blame you. Because if it wasn’t for you my life wouldn’t be the the shitty shape it has been. After us, I was messed up I let a part of myself die for awhile, I stopped being the person that I built myself up to be. I let go,  There were days I couldn’t and would not get out of bed, days that I did not eat all because of you. I let my guard down for a lot of people I should not have that took advantage of my self worth. I lost my dignity over someone who never even knew how to say thank you an who never fought for me. I blame you for the people I let come into my world who have since poisoned my thoughts and my type of life. Sure there are some things I blame you for that are great like meeting the truth love of my life. That doesn’t change all of the broken nights of tears and night terrors that you caused, all of the doubt and depression that came when leaving you behind. I blame myself for getting so bent out of shape over you that I hurt good people in my life and that they will never know its because of how truly crazy you made me. I suffer from major depression and anxiety because of you know did you know that? Have you ever asked yourself how it felt when your parents gave me everything that fucking reminded me of you in a giant fucking box after it all. Did you ever think maybe I cared enough to hate myself for everything that happened to you and that part of me will always feel like it is my fault because of the way your mother made me feel. Truth being I blame you for once again letting people walk all over me, a part of myself that I put behind a long time ago that I never wanted to find again. I blame you for my problems with love that were due to you not being out of my mind. Most of all I blame you for making my life a living hell for a year, my friends forever remembering that trip from hell when your dad screamed at me for two hours. Thing is before you got sick everything wasn’t good. You hated everyone and most days that included me but no one ever knew that did they? They didn’t know how you’d scream at me or about the time you punched the fridge instead of my face? I never told anyone how you were when it was just us because those were your secrets. Ya Know that made everything my fault…. Truth is I blame you.

Thank you for letting me fuck up my life for so many years due to the insecurities YOU caused.


No longer gives a Fuck

The Hatter


I stand with GOD!!!

Today America is torn apart, such a miserable election is was yesterday. America is split in half, those for Clinton are heartbroken and those for Trump are gloating, it is sad. The country I live in is so caught up with these two people. I have to say the way i have stood my whole life has always been on the same side, I stand with Jesus Christ. Some one will read this and say to themselves ” Welp she voted for Trump” NO, I stand with… This country was founded on religious principals, you can take God out of schools but you can’t take him from people’s hearts. Both candidates in this election were awful. I believe in standing with Jesus not any crazy clown who can or can’t run this country. I am not a racist or a sexist, I am a woman who doesn’t hate colored people or gays. I believe in a world where God loves everyone who believes in him and those who believe in him and ask for forgiveness of sin are those who be rewarded with everlasting life. Don’t judge others, trust me I get judged everyday in my own home, I live with those who don’t believe in God or church and its something I have to face and confront everyday of my life. Pray for the USA because truly the state of our country isn’t in Trumps hands it is in Gods!!!!

important issue on grandparent rights. 


I just signed the petition, “Judge John Henning, Circuit Court, Senior Status Judge of Upshur County, West Virginia: RESTORE GRANDPARENT RIGHTS/VISITATION IN WV.”
I think this is important. Will you sign it too?
Here’s the link:

Mad Hatter Lex


She walks into  the tiny room with the director. She feels like she has found the perfect job for her. Then they break it to her that taking the job will hurt the finances she already has.  She’s mad at the world.  Money isn’t everything but her bills say otherwise. So clearly she’s torn stay in the place that makes her hate her job or go and hurt the bank somewhere that may make her happy. Thats the thing will anything ever make her truly happy again. Depression sinks in she’s tired. Tired of trying. She knows it’s killing her all of it. The happiness, it’s all fake. If you were in her mind you’d be drowning. She hates life. She hates herself more than anyone else.  She’s stuck,  STUCK IN HER MIND FIGHTING HER WAY OUT AND LOSING.  ….

Living inside the lines

There’s right and there’s wrong.   I can honestly say that I think I’ve got it right. Everyone lives for the moment and for their own happiness. They have their life where they want it. Living in the moment sounds nice until you realize how people like me live. At an early age I was exposed to the principle that people will always let you down if you rely solely on others. The ever so popular fend for yourself. Here’s the thing life as adult is different. People say stop living for the past or just drop it. This is me… the past drives me to who I wanna be. It reminds me of who I had to be to get here and it shows me who I never wanna become. So I live to serve. Others. God. People. Children.  But I don’t live for me, you see I’m temporary. We are all temporary but when you live for yourself you only yes what you want. When you live for others you see it from all perspectives. Its beautiful. You can live inside the lines for yourself or you can live outside the lines for others. * just don’t tell my students this then they will think coloring outside the lines is what we’re supposed to do in life. They are age 5. 

Time to really let you go.

Once upon a time we spent birthdays together , yeah when we were an “us”. Today you turn 26, I don’t know what you look like or if you had a good birthday and for as many times ass I have said I was over you and what they did I haven’t been but this day was different. Yes I wondered ass bout you but I also felt a since of freedom from my thoughts.  I’ve decided to really let you go this time. I have decided to forgive your parents for how awful they made me feel and seem. I forgive them for pushing me away. Most of all I forgive myself for letting you go and holding on. Truth is I never thought I’d let you go. I know you will always hold a spot in my heart because you taught me how to love someone with my whole heart, to stand by someone no matter what, you taught me to detected the smallest problems, you taught me how to manage a house and finances, you taught me how to be a better cook and how to never let a man defrost chicken, most of all you taught me who I am and how important of a role that I play in GOD’S PLAN. I found the love of Jesus and God when running from my love for you. So thank you. This this is goodbye. My present to you is me letting go. Seems like more of a present for me.  I’m letting go and I feel good about it.  Now I’m going to live♡