So the one downside to losing the reality that you know is that it comes with aftermath. The obvious they hate you and pretty much the whole family hates you. That wasn’t the worst thing. Your ghost it haunts me. Thing is since you’re not a ghost it means you literally haunt me while being alive. After you I struggled I didn’t understand what I did wrong why it had to happen to me. The only thing I ever gave for you was love. And it left me in a million pieces and I had to put myself back together again. I put myself back together in a different way because I didn’t want to be the same person anymore and I’m not. I might be a little bit rough around the edges but I am the person that I want to be. What I could have done without was the panic the anxiety and the nightmares. It has given me a belief that everything I say and do is watched and then everyone I care for will be taken away from me that’s not on God that’s on you that’s what you created oh I’m A monster. I’m getting to the point where I’m actually starting to hate you but that’s okay because it be better to hate you then to let you haunt me

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