Bad day. To say the least.

There so many thoughts in my head today. I guess I’ll start with the one thing that helped shape me into the person I am today. 9 years ago I walked outside then I had a baby bunny and I was showing him to my grandad telling him about how was going to raise him and feed him. So  i was really focused on that bunny. A couple hours later I walked out that same front door yet something was wrong. My life changed that night, my grandad died in front of my house with a massive heart attack. That incident taught me to appreciate what I had. So today I found some news that my other grandad isn’t doing so well with his health. Now given since 2010 we’ve been on a long journey with his health. I have been by his side through every hospital visit and doctors appointment and yet I was still the last to know that his health is pretty much failing. He’s become my best friend in the only man thats never let me down. And of course when you’re down at the rock bottom and you don’t know how to get up the person of the most help you is a person causing the pain. Well of course the other man that I have met in my life that makes me happy and makes me wanna live my life is also disappointing me. He knows that he’s the man that I want to be with but it’s a more complicated situation than anyone can imagine he wants to be there for me and he wants me to tell him all that’s wrong. It’s hard because it’s not like I’m losing my best friend it feels like I’m losing them both. There is so much uncertainty my head is spinning. I don’t know what my future holds, there’s a lot of bad things and good things that could be yet to come. I feel shattered I feel broken. I feel very sick to my stomach. My anxiety has taken over and I’m left to fend for myself.

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