A beautiful rainbow….

I decided on a lot  back when my EX fiance got sick.
–  I was gonna finish my degree and transfer for a bacholers degree.
– I wasn’t gonna give up and let my hardwork in my community crash.
– I was gonna go have fun with my friends if it killed me.
– I was gonna re evaluate my life and focus on important things.
-start a sucessful blog.
– then I decided to leave… or we decided but everyone hates me for leaving….

This is my first post with my head on straighter. I have done a lot in the last 6 months but I hadn’t done what was needed.  This week…. I began to see. I have been hurting myself.  Staying mad and relying on my past memories for comfort.  It won’t help I promise. You have a broken heart?  Light those memories on fire.  Forget em they make it much much worst.  I have a life? Its mine again?  I dont have a man relying on me anymore. 

It wasn’t my fault it never will be. I couldn’t do anything to change it. Should I have handlr certain situations differently ? Yes, I didn’t because thats me I fly off the handle.  Are they burning bridges  they want later ? Yes. Are those bridges ever going to be rebuilt? As long as I’m living and breathing probably not. Move on is what I told myself since April. I was saying it but I wasn’t doing it I was so scared that every little thing I did was going to make someone else angry I was going to make someone else hate me. Well I’m here to tell you I’m done being walked on I’m done sneaking around my feelings I am done being depressed and alone. I am living my life I’m going out with my friends and who knows maybe one of these days soon I’ll even go out on a date with a cute guy that lives down the street. Truth is that you never know what’s going to come your way you got to be prepared for it. It’ll sneak up on you surprise the hell out of you and you may not know how to handle it but if you’re willing and you are strong you’ll find a way to handle it. When you get your heart broken it’s not the end of the world. I don’t care if you’ve been with that person forever or if you’ve been with that person for a day you have memories with them that you’ll never forget. Those memories serve as a reminder that you had them but they also serve as a painful reminiscing of what you lost. It sucks and it does get worse before it gets better. After you have seen the ugly you start to see the beautiful again. Today for example I saw a rainbow. You could have showed me that same rainbow a week ago and I would have thought oh great that’s a rainbow. But today I saw it and I said look at the beauty that is overlooking me. To live for you you have to be yourself you have to do what you want to do so do it don’t let people influence your life. Life’s a beautiful thing don’t take it for granted.

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