Say something… I’m giving up on you…..

“And I…I’m feeling so small,It was over my head
I know nothing at all,And I…will stumble and fall
I’m still learning to love, Just starting to crawl
Say something, I’m giving up on you, I’m sorry that I couldn’t get to you
Anywhere I would’ve followed you,Say something, I’m giving up on you
And I…will swallow my pride, You’re the one that I love
And I’m saying goodbye” – Say Something, (A Great Big World)
A year ago today I was asked the one of the most important questions of my life. Will You Marry me? This road has been long. Never did I think that a year later I would be asking myself another life changing question. Where do I go from here?  It would be easy for me to pack up and run and thats not what I wanna do. I love him and I always will but theres more to it than that. He needs me for support in his life. I can’t be support if I am not strong. And loving him makes me weak and no help at all. For his sake I need to not love him so that he can focus on his health and his future dealing with illness.
We weren’t one of those couples that had been together forever just awhile. Tommorow two years ago he came through my line at work and asked me if I wanted to go on a date with him and because it was april fools day I thought he was joking but he wasn’t. We were never good at being normal. We weren’t very good at much of anything. We were happy but we fought just like anyone else.   I wish he could say something to make everything better like before but he can’t. I am sorry that I couldn’t get to him sooner with helping him with his problems.  I have followed him everywhere and kept up with his thoughts or tried to. So this is all for today folks, I’m swallowing my pride and am gonna do anything I can to learn to trust people and be happy again.

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