As I sit here listening to Humble &Kind by Tim McGraw.
I remember the person I was before all the death in my life, before all the abuse in my life, all the fights and tears, before my fears were life like. To be afraid of everything is to know all fear instead of knowing no fear. Its something many struggle with but is a silent diease. How do you cope with something so hard to speak of. How do you describe to someone that you are trapped in your thoughts saddening yourself by the minute. Some days come hard other days come unbarable. There is no trust behind depression there is no life behind depression. #copingwithlifelesslife
It’s been awhile. A very long while.
You enter a room, there’s secrets and lies written all over the wall.
He sits there with no words for you to understand just actions. The hurt is building all nd the tears are falling.
The carpet will catch it all when it falls. Who knew you’d be in second forever all days losing the race.
What’s it for was he ever your first choice?
I’ll always miss always miss apart me me that died with you. I always miss apart of me that stayed with him when I left … I have one third left that will never be happy .
It lives with faith but walks with pain.
True love is not for the faint of heart
Letter to my Ex,
Its taken me a long time to realize I needed to write this. Even though you will most likely never see it, its how I view it all now. I am over you, it took me almost two years after I left/was asked to leave by your parents. The love of my life has lived in your shadow for far too long. I forgive you and your hateful parents, Honestly I no longer hold a grudge towards any of you because My God taught me to forgive that I have began to master in my life. An important thing to point out, even though I have forgiven you I still blame you. Because if it wasn’t for you my life wouldn’t be the the shitty shape it has been. After us, I was messed up I let a part of myself die for awhile, I stopped being the person that I built myself up to be. I let go, There were days I couldn’t and would not get out of bed, days that I did not eat all because of you. I let my guard down for a lot of people I should not have that took advantage of my self worth. I lost my dignity over someone who never even knew how to say thank you an who never fought for me. I blame you for the people I let come into my world who have since poisoned my thoughts and my type of life. Sure there are some things I blame you for that are great like meeting the truth love of my life. That doesn’t change all of the broken nights of tears and night terrors that you caused, all of the doubt and depression that came when leaving you behind. I blame myself for getting so bent out of shape over you that I hurt good people in my life and that they will never know its because of how truly crazy you made me. I suffer from major depression and anxiety because of you know did you know that? Have you ever asked yourself how it felt when your parents gave me everything that fucking reminded me of you in a giant fucking box after it all. Did you ever think maybe I cared enough to hate myself for everything that happened to you and that part of me will always feel like it is my fault because of the way your mother made me feel. Truth being I blame you for once again letting people walk all over me, a part of myself that I put behind a long time ago that I never wanted to find again. I blame you for my problems with love that were due to you not being out of my mind. Most of all I blame you for making my life a living hell for a year, my friends forever remembering that trip from hell when your dad screamed at me for two hours. Thing is before you got sick everything wasn’t good. You hated everyone and most days that included me but no one ever knew that did they? They didn’t know how you’d scream at me or about the time you punched the fridge instead of my face? I never told anyone how you were when it was just us because those were your secrets. Ya Know that made everything my fault…. Truth is I blame you.
Thank you for letting me fuck up my life for so many years due to the insecurities YOU caused.
No longer gives a Fuck
Today America is torn apart, such a miserable election is was yesterday. America is split in half, those for Clinton are heartbroken and those for Trump are gloating, it is sad. The country I live in is so caught up with these two people. I have to say the way i have stood my whole life has always been on the same side, I stand with Jesus Christ. Some one will read this and say to themselves ” Welp she voted for Trump” NO, I stand with… This country was founded on religious principals, you can take God out of schools but you can’t take him from people’s hearts. Both candidates in this election were awful. I believe in standing with Jesus not any crazy clown who can or can’t run this country. I am not a racist or a sexist, I am a woman who doesn’t hate colored people or gays. I believe in a world where God loves everyone who believes in him and those who believe in him and ask for forgiveness of sin are those who be rewarded with everlasting life. Don’t judge others, trust me I get judged everyday in my own home, I live with those who don’t believe in God or church and its something I have to face and confront everyday of my life. Pray for the USA because truly the state of our country isn’t in Trumps hands it is in Gods!!!!
I just signed the petition, “Judge John Henning, Circuit Court, Senior Status Judge of Upshur County, West Virginia: RESTORE GRANDPARENT RIGHTS/VISITATION IN WV.”
I think this is important. Will you sign it too?
Here’s the link:
Mad Hatter Lex